Shit Aint Funny a Man Lost His Life Meme

Russian political jokes are a part of Russian humor and can be grouped into the major fourth dimension periods: Imperial Russian federation, Soviet Union and finally post-Soviet Russia. In the Soviet period political jokes were a course of social protest, mocking and criticising leaders, the system and its ideology, myths and rites.^[1] Quite a few political themes can be constitute among other standard categories of Russian joke, nearly notably Rabinovich jokes and Radio Erevan.^{[ commendation needed ]}

Imperial Russia [edit]

In Regal Russian federation, about political jokes were of the polite variety that circulated in educated club. Few of the political jokes of the time are recorded, merely some were printed in a 1904 German anthology.^[2]

• A man was reported to take said: "Nikolay is a moron!" and was arrested by a policeman. "No, sir, I meant not our respected Emperor, simply another Nikolay!" - "Don't try to trick me: if you say "moron", y'all are obviously referring to our tsar!"
• A respected merchant, Sevenassov (Semizhopov in the original Russian), wants to change his surname, and asks the Tsar for permission. The Tsar gives his decision in writing: "Permitted to subtract two asses".

There were also numerous politically themed Chastushki (Russian traditional songs) in Purple Russia.

In Stake Fire by Vladimir Nabokov, the fictional author of the "Foreword", Charles Kinbote, cites the following Russian joke:

• A newspaper account of a Russian tsar's coronation had, instead of "korona" (crown), the misprint "vorona" (crow), and when next day this was apologetically 'corrected,' it got misprinted a 2nd time as "korova" (moo-cow).

He comments on the uncanny linguistic parallelism between the English-language "crown-crow-cow" and the Russian "korona–vorona–korova".^[3]

Soviet Matrimony [edit]

In the Soviet Wedlock, telling political jokes could exist regarded every bit a type of extreme sport: according to Article 58 (RSFSR Penal Code), "anti-Soviet propaganda" was a potentially upper-case letter offense.

• A judge walks out of his chambers laughing his caput off. A colleague approaches him and asks why he is laughing. "I just heard the funniest joke in the world!" "Well, go ahead, tell me!" says the other gauge. "I tin't – I just gave someone 10 years for it!"
• "Who built the White Sea Canal?" – "The left bank was built by those who told the jokes, and the right bank by those who listened."^[four]

Ben Lewis claims that the political conditions in the Soviet Union were responsible for the unique sense of humor produced there;^{[5] [iv]} according to him, "Communism was a sense of humor-producing motorcar. Its economic theories and system of repression created inherently agreeable situations. In that location were jokes under fascism and the Nazis also, but those systems did non create an absurd, laugh-a-minute reality like communism."

Early on Soviet times [edit]

Jokes from these times accept a certain historical value, depicting the grapheme of the epoch almost as well as long novels might.

• Midnight Saint petersburg... A Red Guards night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes there? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically rummages through his pockets and drops a paper. The Guards chief picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis"... "Hmm...a foreigner, sounds similar..." "A spy, looks similar.... Let's shoot him on the spot!" Then he reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are free to go, proletarian comrade! Long live the World revolution!"^[6]

Communism [edit]

According to Marxist–Leninist theory, communism in the strict sense is the final phase of evolution of a society afterwards it has passed through the socialism stage. The Soviet Union thus bandage itself as a socialist country trying to build communism, which was supposed to exist a classless society.

• The principle of the state commercialism of the period of transition to communism: the authorities pretend they are paying wages, workers pretend they are working. Alternatively, "Then long as the bosses pretend to pay us, we volition pretend to work." This joke persisted essentially unchanged through the 1980s.

Satirical verses and parodies made fun of official Soviet propaganda slogans.

• "Lenin has died, simply his cause lives on!" (An actual slogan.)

Punchline variant #i: Rabinovich notes: "I would adopt information technology the other mode round."

Variant #ii: "What a coincidence: Brezhnev has died, but his torso lives on". (An allusion to Brezhnev's mental feebleness coupled with the medically assisted staving off of his decease. Additional comedic effect in the 2nd variant is produced by the fact that the words 'cause' (delo) and 'body' (telo) rhyme in Russian.)

• Lenin coined a slogan most how communism would exist achieved thanks to the political power of the Soviets and the modernization of the Russian industry and agriculture: "Communism is Soviet ability plus electrification of the whole land!" The slogan was subjected to mathematical scrutiny by the people: "Consequently, Soviet power is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet power."
• A chastushka ridiculing the trend to praise the Party left and correct:

The winter's passed,

The summer'south here.

For this nosotros thank

Our political party dear!

Russian:

Прошла зима,

настало лето.

Спасибо партии

за это!

(Proshla zima, nastalo leto / Spasibo partii za eto!)

• 1 old bolshevik says to another: "No, my friend, we will not live long enough to see communism, but our children...our poor children!" (An innuendo to the slogan "Our children will alive in Communism!")

Some jokes allude to notions long forgotten. These relics are still funny, but may look strange.

• Q: Will in that location be KGB in communism?

A: As you know, under communism, the state volition be abolished, together with its means of suppression. People will know how to arrest themselves.

The original version was most the Cheka. To fully appreciate this joke, a person must know that during the Cheka times, in addition to the standard taxation to which the peasants were subjected, the latter were oftentimes forced to perform samooblozhenie ("self-taxation") – after delivering a normal amount of agricultural products, prosperous peasants, especially those declared to exist kulaks were expected to "voluntarily" deliver the aforementioned amount once again; sometimes even "double samooblozhenie" was applied.

• Collective farm

Q: How practice yous deal with mice in the Kremlin?

A: Put up a sign maxim "collective subcontract". So one-half the mice will starve, and the rest will run away.^[7]

This joke is an allusion to the consequences of the collectivization policy pursued past Joseph Stalin betwixt 1928 and 1933.

Gulag [edit]

• "Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they're in for. The first ane says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.' The second says: 'For me it was just the reverse: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.' The 3rd one says: 'I got to work right on time, and they charged me with harming the Soviet economy by acquiring a lookout in a capitalist land.'"^[eight]
• Three men are sitting in a prison cell in the (KGB headquarters) Dzerzhinsky Foursquare. The showtime asks the 2nd why he has been imprisoned, who replies, "Because I criticized Karl Radek." The offset man responds, "But I am here because I spoke out in favor of Radek!" They plow to the third human being who has been sitting quietly in the back, and enquire him why he is in jail. He answers, "I'm Karl Radek."
• "Lubyanka (KGB headquarters) is the tallest edifice in Moscow. You tin can encounter Siberia from its basement."
• Armenian Radio was asked: "Is it true that weather condition in our labor camps are excellent?" Armenian Radio answers: "Information technology is true. Five years ago a listener of ours raised the same question and was sent to ane, reportedly to investigate the issue. He hasn't returned yet; we are told that he liked it there."
• "Comrade Brezhnev, is information technology true that y'all collect political jokes?" – "Aye" – "And how many accept you collected so far?" – "Iii and a one-half labor camps." (Compare with a like East High german joke about Stasi.)
• A new arrival to Gulag is asked: "What were you lot given ten years for?" – "For zippo!" – "Don't lie to us here, now! Everybody knows 'for nothing' is three years." (This joke was reported from the pre-Great Purge times. Later 'for nix' was elevated to 5 and even ten years.)^[nine]

Gulag Archipelago [edit]

Alexander Solzhenitsyn's book Gulag Archipelago has a chapter entitled "Zeks as a Nation", which is a mock ethnographic essay intended to "prove" that the inhabitants of the Gulag Archipelago establish a carve up nation according to "the simply scientific definition of nation given past comrade Stalin". As role of this research, Solzhenitsyn analyzes the sense of humor of zeks (gulag inmates). Some examples:^[10]

• "He was sentenced to three years, served five, then he got lucky and was released ahead of fourth dimension." (The joke alludes to the common practice described by Solzhenitsyn of arbitrarily extending the term of a sentence or adding new charges.) In a similar vein, when someone asked for more of something, e.g. more boiled water in a cup, the typical retort was, "The prosecutor will give you more!" (In Russian: "Прокурор добавит!")
• "Is it hard to be in the gulag?" – "Just for the offset ten years."
• When the quarter-century term had go the standard sentence for contravening Article 58, the standard joke comment to the freshly sentenced was: "OK, now 25 years of life are guaranteed for you lot!"

Armenian Radio [edit]

The Armenian Radio or "Radio Yerevan" jokes have the format, "ask us whatever you want, nosotros volition reply y'all whatever we desire". They supply snappy or cryptic answers to questions on politics, commodities, the economy or other subjects that were taboo during the Communist era. Questions and answers from this fictitious radio station are known even outside Russian federation.

• Q: What's the difference betwixt a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?

A: A backer fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time, there was...." A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Some day, there will be...."

• Q: Is it truthful that in that location is liberty of spoken language in the USSR, just like in the USA?

A: Yes. In the USA, you can stand in front of the White Firm in Washington, DC, and yell, "Downwards with Ronald Reagan," and you will not be punished. Every bit, you can as well stand up in Red Square in Moscow and yell, "Downwardly with Ronald Reagan," and you volition non be punished.

• Q: What is the difference between the Constitutions of the United states of america and USSR? Both of them guarantee freedom of spoken language.

A: Yep, just the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.^[11]

• Q: Is it true that the Soviet Spousal relationship is the virtually progressive country in the world?

A: Of grade! Life was already meliorate yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!

Political figures [edit]

• Vladimir Lenin, Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev and Leonid Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly, the train stops. Lenin suggests: "Maybe we should announce a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants will fix the problem." Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not starting time moving, the driver will be shot!" (an allusion to the Great Purge). Simply the train doesn't offset moving. Khrushchev then shouts, "Let's take the rails from backside the railroad train and apply them to lay the tracks in front" (an allusion to Khrushchev's diverse reorganizations). But notwithstanding the train doesn't motion. Then Brezhnev says, "Comrades, Comrades, let'south draw the curtains, plough on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!" (an innuendo to the Brezhnev stagnation period). A later on continuation to this has Mikhail Gorbachev saying, "We were going the incorrect style anyways!" and changing the train's management (alluding to his policies of glasnost and perestroika), and Boris Yeltsin driving the train off the rails and through a field (innuendo to the breakup of the Soviet Spousal relationship).

Lenin [edit]

Jokes almost Vladimir Lenin, the leader of the Russian Revolution of 1917, typically made fun of characteristics popularized by propaganda: his supposed kindness, his love of children (Lenin never had children of his own), his sharing nature, his kind eyes, etc. Appropriately, in jokes Lenin is often depicted as sneaky and hypocritical. A popular joke set-upwardly is Lenin interacting with the head of the hugger-mugger police, Felix Edmundovich Dzerzhinsky, in the Smolny Plant, the seat of the revolutionary communist government in Petrograd, or with khodoki, peasants who came to see Lenin.

• During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wanting to file a petition. "We take even started eating grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we volition commencement neighing like horses!" "Come up now! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey hither, and we're not buzzing like bees, are nosotros?"
• (Concerning the omnipresent Lenin propaganda): A kindergarten grouping is on a walk in a park, and they encounter a baby hare. These are urban center kids who take never seen a hare. "Do yous know who this is?" asks the instructor. No 1 knows. "Come on, kids", says the teacher, "He's a character in many of the stories, songs and poems we are always reading." Finally 1 child works out the respond, pats the hare and says reverently, "So that'due south what y'all're like, Grandpa Lenin!"
• One twenty-four hour period Lenin is shaving outside his dacha with an erstwhile-fashioned razor when a minor child approaches him. "Granddad Lenin," the child begins eagerly. "Fizz off!" replies the male parent of the Russian revolution. What a kind human: afterward all, he could take cutting the kid's throat.
• An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest asks, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland" (the joke capitalizes on the championship of the real moving-picture show, Lenin in Poland).

Stalin [edit]

Jokes nearly Stalin normally refer to his paranoia and antipathy for human life. Stalin's words are typically pronounced with a heavy Georgian accent.

• Stalin attends the premiere of a Soviet comedy movie. He laughs and grins throughout the film, just after it ends he says, "Well, I liked the comedy. Merely that clown had a moustache merely like mine. Shoot him." Anybody is speechless, until someone sheepishly suggests, "Comrade Stalin, maybe the player shaves off his moustache?" Stalin replies, "Good idea! Starting time shave, then shoot!" / "Or he tin can shave."
• Stalin reads his report to the Political party Congress. All of a sudden someone sneezes. "Who sneezed?" Silence. "Commencement row! On your feet! Shoot them!" They are shot, and he asks over again, "Who sneezed, Comrades?" No reply. "2nd row! On your anxiety! Shoot them!" They are shot too. "Well, who sneezed?" At concluding a sobbing cry resounds in the Congress Hall, "It was me! Me!" Stalin says, "Bless you, Comrade!" and resumes his speech.^[12]
• A secretary (in some versions Alexander Poskrebyshev) is standing exterior the Kremlin as Align Zhukov leaves a meeting with Stalin, and she hears him muttering under his breath, "Murderous moustache!" She runs in to see Stalin and breathlessly reports, "I simply heard Zhukov say 'Murderous moustache'!" Stalin dismisses the secretary and sends for Zhukov, who comes dorsum in. "Who did you take in mind with 'Murderous moustache'?" asks Stalin. "Why, Josef Vissarionovich, Hitler, of class!" Stalin thanks him, dismisses him, and calls the secretary dorsum. "And who did yous think he was talking most?"
• An quondam crone had to wait for 2 hours to become on a jitney. Bus afterward motorbus arrived filled with passengers, and she was unable to squeeze herself in as well. When she finally did manage to clamber aboard one of them, she wiped her forehead and exclaimed, "Finally, glory to God!" The driver said, "Mother, you must not say that. Y'all must say 'Glory to comrade Stalin!'" "Excuse me, comrade," the adult female replied. "I'yard just a astern quondam woman. From now on I'll say what yous told me to." After a while, she continued: "Alibi me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, Stalin dies?" "Well, and so you may say, 'Glory to God!'"^[eleven]
• At a May Day parade, a very old Jew carries a placard that reads, "Thank you, comrade Stalin, for my happy babyhood!" A Political party representative approaches the old human. "What's that? Are you mocking our Party? Everyone tin can meet that when you were a kid, comrade Stalin hadn't yet been built-in!" The old man replies, "That's precisely why I'm grateful to him!"^[11]
• Stalin loses his favourite piping. In a few days, Lavrenti calls Stalin: "Have you found your pipe?" "Yeah," replies Stalin. "I found information technology under the sofa." "This is impossible!" exclaims Beria. "3 people have already confessed to this law-breaking!"^[13]
• Roosevelt and Stalin are at the meeting. Roosevelt says, "1 beautiful thing well-nigh America is that nosotros have liberty of speech. That ways that anybody can stand in front of the White House and say, 'Roosevelt is a piece of shit' and nobody would pay any attention." Stalin says, "We have freedom of speech communication in the Soviet Marriage, too. Anybody tin can stand in front of the Kremlin and say, 'Roosevelt is a piece of shit' and no ane would bat an centre."

Khrushchev [edit]

"Khrushchev demands: overthrow Adenauer; now more than ever CDU"

Jokes nearly Nikita Khrushchev oftentimes chronicle to his attempts to reform the economy, especially to introduce maize. He was even called kukuruznik ('maizeman'). Other jokes target the crop failures resulting from his mismanagement of agriculture, his innovations in urban architecture, his confrontation with the US while importing US consumer goods, his promises to build communism in 20 years, or but his baldness and rough manners. Dissimilar other Soviet leaders, in jokes Khrushchev is always harmless.

• Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed in that location. In the newspaper office, a give-and-take is underway nearly how to caption the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs environs comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected equally politically offensive. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "Third from left – comrade Khrushchev."^[xi]
• Why was Khrushchev defeated? Because of the Seven "C"due south: Cult of personality, Communism, Mainland china, Cuban Crunch, Corn, and Cuzka'due south mother. (In Russian, this is the seven "K"s. To "evidence somebody Kuzka'due south mother" is a Russian idiom meaning "to give somebody a hard time." Khrushchev had used this phrase during a speech at the United Nations General Assembly, allegedly referring to the Tsar Bomba exam over Novaya Zemlya.)
• Khrushchev, surrounded by his aides and bodyguards, surveys an art exhibition. "What the hell is this greenish circle with yellow spots all over?" he asked. His aide answered, "This painting, comrade Khrushchev, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the program to produce 2 hundred million tons of grain." "Ah-h… And what is this black triangle with cherry strips?" "This painting shows our heroic industrial workers in a manufactory." "And what is this fat ass with ears?" "Comrade Khrushchev, this is not a painting, this is a mirror." (The joke alludes at the Manege Affair, Khrushchev'due south thunderous denouncing of modern fine art at an exhibition at the Moscow Manege.)

Brezhnev [edit]

Leonid Brezhnev was depicted as dim-witted, senile, ever reading his speeches from newspaper, and prone to delusions of grandeur.

• "Leonid Ilyich is in surgery." / "His heart again?" / "No, breast expansion surgery, to make room for i more Gold Star medal." This makes reference to Brezhnev's elaborate collection of awards and medals.
• Early on in the morning Brezhnev looked at the sky and smiled to the sunday. Suddenly the Dominicus said, "Skillful forenoon, beloved Leonid Ilyich." Amazed and happy, Brezhnev told the Politburo members that even the sun knew him and greeted him personally. The Politburo men were skeptical but kept their doubts for themselves. Toward the evening, Brezhnev said to them, "I run into y'all don't trust my word. Permit's become exterior and I will evidence you!" They walked out and Brezhnev said to the sun which was already depression, "My beloved Dominicus, practiced evening." The Sunday answered, "Become to hell, yous sometime idiot." "What'due south that?" Brezhnev shouted angrily. "Practice you know who yous are talking with?" "I don't requite a damn," the Lord's day said. "I'm already in the West, I do what I want!"
• During Brezhnev'due south visit to England, Prime Minister Thatcher asked the guest, "What is your mental attitude to Churchill?" "Who is Churchill?" Brezhnev said. Dorsum in the embassy, the Soviet envoy said, "Congratulations, comrade Brezhnev, y'all've put Thatcher in her place. She volition non ask stupid questions any more." "And who is Thatcher?" Brezhnev said.
• An aide says to Brezhnev, "Comrade General Secretarial assistant, yous wear today one shoe blackness and the other brown." "Yes," Brezhnev answers, "I've noticed it myself." "Why didn't yous change?" "Encounter, I went to change, but when I looked in the closet, there was likewise one shoe brown and the other blackness." This refers to Brezhnev'southward senility.
• At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!"—applause. "O!"—an ovation. "O!!!"—the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
• Meeting a strange leader at the aerodrome, Brezhnev begins to read his prepared spoken language: "Dear and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." ..." An adjutant comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, it'due south Margaret Thatcher." Brezhnev adjusts his spectacles and starts once again: "Dear and much-respected Mrs Gandhi..." The adjutant interrupts him again, saying, "Leonid Ilyich, it'due south Margaret Thatcher! Await!" "I know it's Margaret Thatcher," Brezhnev replies, "just this speech says information technology's Indira Gandhi!"
• Subsequently a spoken communication, Brezhnev confronts his speechwriter. "I asked for a fifteen-minute spoken communication, but the one you gave me lasted 45 minutes!" The speechwriter replies: "I gave you 3 copies...."
• Somebody knocks at the door of Brezhnev's office. Brezhnev walks to the door, sets glasses on his nose, fetches a piece of newspaper from his pocket and reads, "Who'due south there?"
• "Leonid Ilyich!..." / "Come on, no formalities among comrades. Merely call me 'Ilyich'." (Notation: In Soviet parlance, by itself "Ilyich" refers by default to Vladimir Lenin, and "But call me 'Ilyich'" was a line from a well-known poem almost Lenin, written past Mayakovsky.)
• Brezhnev makes a oral communication: "Everyone in the Politburo has dementia. Comrade Pelshe doesn't recognize himself: I say 'Howdy, comrade Pelshe,' and he responds 'Hello, Leonid Ilyich, but I'm not Pelshe.' Comrade Gromyko is like a child – he's taken my safe donkey from my desk. And during comrade Grechko's funeral – by the mode, why is he absent? – nobody merely me invited a lady for a dance when the music started playing."
• Brezhnev is dying; a physician and some politburo are present in the room. With his final breath, Brezhnev demands "Get me a priest!" and expires. Simply the physician hears this clearly. A politburo member asks the doctor what Brezhnev said. The doctor replies "Invade Afghanistan."

Quite a few jokes capitalized on the cliché used in Soviet speeches of the time: "Dear Leonid Ilyich."

• The phone rings, Brezhnev picks up the receiver: "Hello, this is beloved Leonid Ilyich...."

Geriatric leadership [edit]

During Brezhnev's fourth dimension, the leadership of Communist Party became increasingly geriatric. By the fourth dimension of his death in 1982, the median age of the Politburo was lxx. Brezhnev's successor, Yuri Andropov, died in 1984. His successor, Konstantin Chernenko, died in 1985. Rabinovich said he did not have to purchase tickets to the funerals, as he had a subscription to these events. As Andropov's bad health became common knowledge (he was eventually attached to a dialysis machine), several jokes fabricated the rounds:

• "Comrade Andropov is the most turned-on homo in Moscow!"
• "Why did Brezhnev go abroad, while Andropov did not? Considering Brezhnev ran on batteries, but Andropov needed an outlet." (A reference to Brezhnev's pacemaker and Andropov's dialysis automobile.)
• "What is the main divergence between succession under the tsarist government and under socialism?" "Under the tsarist regime, power was transferred from father to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to gramps." (A play on words: in Russian, 'gramps' is traditionally used in the sense of 'sometime man'.)
• TASS annunciation: "Today, due to bad wellness and without regaining consciousness, Konstantin Ustinovich Chernenko took upwardly the duties of Secretary General." (The first chemical element in the judgement is the customary form of words at the beginning of state leaders' obituaries.)
• Another TASS announcement: "Dear comrades, of course you lot're going to express mirth, only the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, and the entire Soviet nation, has again suffered a great loss." The phrase "of grade you're going to laugh" (вы, конечно, будете смеяться) is a staple of the Odessa sense of humor and way of speech, and the joke itself is a remake of a hundred-year-old one.^[14]
• What are the new requirements for joining the Politburo? You must now exist able to walk half dozen steps without the assistance of a pikestaff, and say 3 words without the assistance of paper.

Gorbachev [edit]

Mikhail Gorbachev was occasionally mocked for his poor grammar, simply perestroika-era jokes usually made fun of his slogans and ineffective actions, his birth mark ("Satan's mark"), Raisa Gorbachev'due south poking her nose everywhere, and Soviet-American relations.

• In a eatery:

― Why are the meatballs cube-shaped?

― Perestroika! (restructuring)

― Why are they undercooked?

― Uskoreniye! (acceleration)

― Why have they got a bite out of them?

― Gospriyomka! (state approval)

― Why are you lot telling me all this then brazenly?

― Glasnost! (openness)

• A Soviet man is waiting in line to buy vodka from a liquor store, but due to restrictions imposed past Gorbachev, the line is very long. The man loses his sophistication and screams, "I tin can't have this waiting in line anymore, I Hate Gorbachev, I am going to the Kremlin correct now, and I am going to impale him!" After 40 minutes the human returns and elbows his way back to his identify in line. The crowd begin to inquire if he has succeeded in killing Gorbachev. "No, I got to the Kremlin all right, but the line to impale Gorbachev was even longer than hither!"
• Baba Yaga and Koschei the Immortal are sitting by the window in the cabin on chicken legs and run into Zmey Gorynych flying low, cawing "Perestroika! Uskoreniye!" Baba Yaga: "This old stupid worm! Told him not to eat communists already!"
• Mikhail Gorbachev and his wife were on the railroad train returning to Russian federation following a state visit to Eastward Germany. After they'd been travelling a brusk while, his married woman asked him: "Where are nosotros at present, Mikhail honey?" He put his paw out of the window and said: "We're still in Germany, love." Several hours later, his wife asked him again: "Where are we now?" He put his hand out of the window and replied: "In Poland." Some time subsequently, his wife asked again: "Where are we now?" Gorbachev put his hand out of the window and said: "We're dorsum in Russia." His wife was curious; she asked: "How practice you know where we are but by putting your paw out of the window?" He replied: "When I put my hand out in Germany, the people kissed it. When I put my hand out in Poland, they spat on it. And when I put my mitt out in Russia, they stole my sentry."
• An old woman wanted to speak with Gorbachev. She wouldn't leave the Kremlin for days until finally Gorbachev agreed to see her. As she walked into his office, they exchanged greeting, and she got to her point: "Sir, was communism created by politicians or scientists?" "Why, politicians of grade" he replied. "That explains information technology," she said. "Scientists would accept tested it on mice first."

Washington region committee [edit]

• Ronald Reagan awakens, all cold. His married woman asks:

- Ronnie, what happened?

- My dear, I've had a nightmare. It's 20-sixth CPSU congress and Brezhnev says: 'Dear comrades, we have listened to reports most state of affairs in Bryansk and Orlov regions. Now, let's listen to the First Secretary of Washington CPSU committee, comrade Reagan.' And y'all know what? I have not prepared!^[15]

"The Soviet Union is the homeland of elephants" [edit]

In its declaration of national glories, the Soviet regime claimed at various times, such as through Pravda publications, to take invented the airplane, steam engine, radio, and lightbulb, and promoted the pseudoscientific agricultural claims of Lysenko every bit office of Stalinist pseudohistory.^{[sixteen] [17]} This was joked nigh in the phrase "Homeland of Elephants [ru]" from the early 1940s, sardonically claiming that the Soviet Union was likewise the birthplace of elephants.^{[17] [18]} An anecdote from Andrei Sakharov includes "(ane) classics of Marxism-Leninism-Stalinism on elephants; (two) Russia, the elephants' homeland, (3) the Soviet elephant, the world's best elephant (four) the Belorussian elephant, the Russian elephant'due south little blood brother."^[18]

The joke has persisted in the form of "Russia is the homeland of elephants" (Russian: Россия – родина слонов .)^[16]

KGB [edit]

Telling jokes about the KGB was considered to exist like pulling the tail of a tiger.

• A hotel. A room for 4 with four strangers. Iii of them soon open a bottle of vodka and continue to become acquainted, then boozer, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The 4th man desperately tries to go some slumber; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. V minutes later on, he bends to a power outlet: "Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, delight." In a few minutes, there's a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the political party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to slumber. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. "You don't need to know!" she answers. "B-but...but what almost me?" asks the terrified young man. 'Oh, you...well...Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot."
• The KGB, the GIGN (or in some versions of the joke, the FBI) and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a examination. He releases a rabbit into a wood, and each of them has to catch information technology. The CIA people become in. They identify brute informants throughout the woods. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. Later iii months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist. The GIGN (or FBI) goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in. They come out 2 hours afterward with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'k a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
• In a prison house, two inmates are comparing notes. "What did they arrest you for?" asks the showtime. "Was information technology a political or common criminal offence?" "Of class it was political. I'k a plumber. They summoned me to the commune Political party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire arrangement needs to be replaced.' So they gave me vii years."^[11]
• A frightened human being came to the KGB. "My talking parrot has disappeared." "That's not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal constabulary." 'Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here only to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot."^[11]
• The CIA wanted to transport a spy to the Soviet Union and the spy that was selected had incredible qualifications. He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast cognition of Soviet civilization and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and could keep up his act with a belly full of vodka. The mission was long-term infiltration of the Kremlin. The spy was dropped in a remote village where he approached a man and said, in perfect Russian, "Howdy comrade, tin yous please tell me which direction is Moscow?" The human looked at him, and walked inside. Within minutes, the KGB was swarming the village and arresting the spy. While being interrogated, the KGB officials said "Quit the deed, we know you are an American spy." The spy was baffled they (especially the human in the village) were able to tell so quickly, simply tried to keep up the act for as long as he could. When he finally cracked, he said "Alright, alright, I'grand a spy. I will tell you lot whatever you want, just please but tell me how you knew I was a spy considering I devoted my whole life to perfecting my Soviet character." The official said "Yous're black."

Quite a few jokes and other sense of humor capitalized on the fact that Soviet citizens were under KGB surveillance even when abroad:

• A quartet of violinists returns from an international competition. One of them was honored with the opportunity to play a Stradivarius violin, and cannot finish bragging about it. The violinist who came in last grunts: "What'southward so special about that?" The get-go one thinks for a infinitesimal: "Let me put it to you this mode: just imagine that y'all were given the gamble to fire a couple of shots from Dzerzhinsky's Mauser..."^{[19] [xx]}
• An English athlete, a French athlete and a Russian athlete are all on the medal podium at the 1976 Summertime Olympics chatting before the medal anniversary. "Don't get me incorrect" says the Englishman, "winning a medal is very nice, but I even so feel the greatest pleasure in life is getting home after a long day, putting one'due south anxiety upwardly and having a nice cup of tea." "You Englishman," snorts the Frenchman, "you have no sense of romance. The greatest pleasance in life is going on holiday without your wife, and meeting a cute girl with whom you take a passionate honey thing with before returning home back to work." "Y'all are both wrong," scoffs the Russian. "The greatest pleasure in life is when you are sleeping at domicile and the KGB breaks your door down at 3 AM, bursts into your room and says, 'Ivan Ivanovitch, you are under abort,' and you can respond 'Sorry comrade, Ivan Ivanovitch lives side by side door'."

Daily Soviet life [edit]

• Soviet police announces that no ane is allowed outside his house after 7:00PM. At 6:30PM, a policeman notices someone outside and shoots him. His fellow policeman asks "Why did you shoot him? He had 30 more minutes until seven:00!" The policeman replied "I know where he lives, he would have never made it in time."
• About the American hot dog: "In Russian federation, we don't consume that role of the canis familiaris." Told by Soviet emigree Yakov Smirnoff.
• Q: Which is more useful – newspapers or television? A: Newspapers, of form. You can't wrap herring in a TV. (Variation: "Yous tin can't wipe your donkey with a TV" – a reference to the shortage of toilet paper in USSR, which forced people to utilise newspapers instead.)
• "Nosotros pretend to work, and they pretend to pay." (The joke hints at low productivity and subsistence-level wages within the Soviet economy.)
• 5 precepts of the Soviet intelligentsia (intellectuals):
  • Don't recollect.
  • If you lot recollect, and so don't speak.
  • If you retrieve and speak, then don't write.
  • If y'all think, speak and write, then don't sign.
  • If you think, speak, write and sign, then don't exist surprised.
• A regional Communist Political party coming together is held to celebrate the ceremony of the Corking October Socialist Revolution. The Chairman gives a speech: "Dear comrades! Let'due south look at the amazing achievements of our Political party later on the revolution. For instance, Maria here, who was she before the revolution? An illiterate peasant; she had just one dress and no shoes. And at present? She is an exemplary milkmaid known throughout the entire region. Or await at Ivan Andreev, he was the poorest man in this village; he had no horse, no moo-cow, and not even an ax. And now? He is a tractor driver with two pairs of shoes! Or Trofim Semenovich Alekseev--he was a nasty hooligan, a drunk, and a dingy gadabout. Nobody would trust him with as much every bit a snowdrift in wintertime, as he would steal anything he could get his hands on. And now he's Secretary of the Regional Party Committee!"^[11]

Some jokes ridiculed the level of indoctrination in the Soviet Union's educational activity system:

• "My wife has been going to cooking school for three years." / "She must really melt well by now!" / "No, so far they've only got as far as the bit almost the Twentieth CPSU Congress."

Quite a few jokes poke fun at the permanent shortages in diverse shops.

• A man walks into a shop and asks, "You lot wouldn't happen to accept any fish, would you?" The shop banana replies, "You've got it wrong – ours is a butcher's shop. We don't have any meat. You lot're looking for the fish shop across the route. There they don't have any fish!"
• An American man and a Soviet man died on the same day and went to Hell together. The Devil told them: "You may choose to enter 2 different types of Hell: the commencement is the American-style ane, where you can practise anything you lot like, merely only on condition of eating a bucketful of manure every day; the second is the Soviet-way hell, where you can ALSO do anything you like, but but on condition of eating 2 bucketfuls of manure a twenty-four hours." The American chose the American-style Hell, and the Soviet man chose the Soviet-mode one. A few months later, they met again. The Soviet man asked the American: "How-do-you-do, how are y'all getting on?" The American said: "I'thou fine, merely I can't stand up the bucketful of manure every twenty-four hours. How about you?" The Soviet man replied: "Well, I'm fine, too, except that I don't know whether we had a shortage of manure, or if somebody stole all the buckets."
• "What happens if Soviet socialism comes to Saudi arabia? First 5 years, nothing; then a shortage of oil." (Variation: "...then a shortage of sand.")

A subgenre of the above-mentioned blazon of joke targets long sign-up queues for certain commodities, with wait times that could be counted in years rather than weeks or months.

• "Dad, tin I have the motorcar keys?" / "OK, simply don't lose them. We volition become the automobile in simply 7 years!"
• "I desire to sign up for the waiting list for a car. How long is it?" / "Precisely ten years from today." / "Morning or evening?" / "Why, what difference does it make?" / "The plumber's due in the morning."

The above joke was famously mentioned by US President Ronald Reagan multiple times.^{[ citation needed ]}

Modern Russia [edit]

Boris Yeltsin [edit]

Boris Yeltsin presided over the gutting and selling of a lot of Russian government companies and a substantial increment in corruption, which became target for jokes.

• A human drives upward to the Kremlin and parks his car outside. As he is getting out a policemen hurriedly flusters over and says "You can't park there! That's right nether Yeltsin'south window!" The man looks perplexed for a second but then smiles and calmly replies: "No need to worry officer, I made sure to lock the auto."
• Q: What did commercialism reach in one year that communism could not do in seventy years? A: Make communism expect good.^[21]

Vladimir Putin [edit]

"Putin is holding a press conference. The first journalist stands upward: – I am from the Washington Post. What do you say near the mass graves and the disrespect of human rights in Chechnya? Putin: – Next question. The second journalist stands up: – I am from the Daily Mirror. Is it true that there are concentration camps in Chechnya and that every day peaceful citizens are murdered in them? Putin: – Adjacent question, please. The third journalist stands up: – I am from Süddeutsche Zeitung. Please clarify what is currently happening on the Strait of Kerch, if Tuzla is an isthmus or an island, and why Russians are building an embankment there. Putin thinks for a moment, then looks at the first journalist: – What did you ask nearly Chechnya?"^[viii]

Many depict parallels between Vladimir Putin and Joseph Stalin: his opponents do it accusingly, while neo-Stalinists proudly. Many jokes about past Soviet leaders are retold well-nigh Putin:^[22]

• Stalin appears to Putin in a dream and says: "I have two $.25 of advice for y'all: impale off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue." Putin asks, "Why blue?" Stalin: "I knew you would not object to the start one."^[8]

From at least 2015, information technology is common in Rusia to joke almost the "battle between the television and the refrigerator (битва холодильника с телевизором)."^{[23] [24]} This refers to the residual between land media and actual living atmospheric condition in Russia: whether land propaganda on TV is able to overcome the presence of empty fridges.^{[25] [26]}

Following the kickoff of the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine many jokes started to be circulated online about the war and the rather disappointing results of the Russian Regular army compared with the expectations set by state propaganda:

• "According to Putin the tiny Ukraine is no match for our huge Russian federation and military. What'south the situation now?"/ "Russian federation has lost fifteen,000 troops, 6 generals, 500 tanks, 3 ships, 100 planes and thou trucks. Victory hasn't arrived yet."
• Under orders of the Country Media Oversight Commission, the side by side edition of "State of war and Peace" will be retitled, "Special Operation and Treason."
• "We are now entering day 24 of the special armed services operation to take Kyiv in two days."

"Beware of dictators with moustaches - correction - Beware of dictators with razors." Anon.

See also [edit]

• Russian jokes
• East German jokes
• Hammer & Tickle
• Bald–hairy
• Lenin was a mushroom
• And you are lynching Negroes
• Radio Erevan Jokes
• Fridge vs. TV

References [edit]

1. ^ Davies, Christie (2007). "Humour and Protest: Jokes nether Communism". International Review of Social History. 52: 291–305. doi:x.1017/S0020859007003252. JSTOR 26405495. S2CID 146755591.
2. ^ ir.spb.ru http://world wide web.ir.spb.ru/naum-218.htm. ^{[ permanent dead link ]}
3. ^ Brodsky Translating Brodsky: Poesy in Cocky-Translation, p. 120
4. ^ ^{a b} Ben Lewis (2008) "Hammer and Tickle", ISBN 0-297-85354-6 (a review online)
5. ^ "Hammer & tickle", Prospect Magazine, May 2006, essay by Ben Lewis on jokes in Communist countries,
6. ^ Миша Мельниченко, "Советский анекдот. Указатель сюжетов", item no. 25.
7. ^ A review of the Ben Lewis volume, economist.com
8. ^ ^{a b c} Gullotta, Andrea (2014). "Gulag Humour: Some Observations on Its History, Evolution, and Gimmicky Resonance" (PDF) (Punishment as a Crime? Perspectives on Prison Experience in Russian Civilisation): 89–110.
9. ^ "Становление личности сквозь террор и войну", past Grigory Pomerants, Вестник Европы, 2010, no. 28-29
10. ^ Alexander Solzhenitsyn, Gulag Archipelago, Ch. xix, "Zeks every bit a Nation"
11. ^ ^{a b c d due east f k} https://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm One Hundred Russian Jokes
12. ^ "Graham, Seth (2004) A Cultural Analysis of the Russo-Soviet Anekdot. Doctoral Dissertation, Academy of Pittsburgh" (PDF).
13. ^ Montefiore, Simon Sebag (2003). Stalin: The Court of the Red Tsar. ISBN978-1780228358.
14. ^ Валерий Смирнов, "Умер-шмумер, лишь бы был здоров!: как говорят в Одессе" , 2008, ISBN 9668788613, p. 147
15. ^ http://world wide web.peoples.ru/anekdot/4168.shtml
16. ^ ^{a b} Berdy, Michele A. (2016-02-05). "Russia's Long Romance with Patriotism". The Moscow Times . Retrieved 2021-11-20 .
17. ^ ^{a b} Figes, Orlando (2002-x-21). Natasha'due south Dance: A Cultural History of Russia. Henry Holt and Visitor. p. 508. ISBN978-0-8050-5783-6.
18. ^ ^{a b} Brooks, Jeffrey (2021-04-13). Thank You, Comrade Stalin!: Soviet Public Culture from Revolution to Cold State of war. Princeton University Printing. pp. 214–215. ISBN978-one-4008-4392-3.
19. ^ Adams, Bruce (2005). Tiny Revolutions in Russia: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes. New York and London: RoutledgeCurzon. p. 69. ISBN0-415-35173-one.
20. ^ Pelevin, Victor (1994). "Sleep". A Werewolf Problem in Key Russian federation and Other Stories. Translated by Bromfield, Andrew. New York: New Directions Publishing. p. 61. ISBN978-0-8112-1543-five. So one mean solar day, when he fell asleep at a lecture, Nikita tried telling a joke of his own in answer. He deliberately chose the shortest and most elementary 1, almost an international violinists' competition in Paris. He almost got through it, but stumbled right at the very end and started talking near Dnepropetrovsk geysers instead of Dzerzhinsky'due south mauser.
21. ^ Parenti, Michael (1997). Blackshirts and Reds: Rational Fascism and the Overthrow of Communism. City Lights Publishers. p. 116.
22. ^ "Communist jokes - Funny basic", The Economist
23. ^ Kolesnikov, Andrei (2015-10-25). "Russia'southward War: Refrigerator vs. TV". The Moscow Times . Retrieved 2022-05-29 .
24. ^ Телевизор против холодильника, Ekho Moskvy, February 17, 2016 ^{[ dead link ]}
25. ^ The Boob tube vs the fridge: A Russian joke shows why Putin's propaganda isn't working on his own people, Business organisation Insider
26. ^ Kramer, Andrew Due east. (January 31, 2021). "Russia's Economical Slump Erodes Consensus That Shielded Putin". New York Times. Retrieved 2 July 2021.

Sources [edit]

• Emil Draitser, Forbidden Laughter (1980) ISBN 0-89626-045-three
• Christie Davies, Jokes and Their Relation to Society (1998) ISBN 3-11-016104-4, Affiliate 5: "Stupidity and rationality: Jokes from the fe cage" (about jokes from beyond the Iron Curtain)
• Contemporary Russian Satire: A Genre Study
• Laughter through tears: Underground wit, humor, and satire in the Soviet Russian Empire
• Is That Yous Laughing Comrade? the Earth's All-time Russian (Underground Jokes)
• Rodger Swearingen, What'due south so funny, comrade? (1961) ASIN B0007DX2Z0
• Dora Shturman, Sergei Tiktin (1985) "Sovetskii Soiuz v zerkale politicheskogo anekdota" ("Soviet Union in the Mirror of the Political Joke"), Overseas Publications Interchange Ltd., ISBN 0-903868-62-8 (in Russian)
• Jonathan Waterlow, Information technology'south Just a Joke, Comrade! Sense of humor, Trust and Everyday Life under Stalin (2018) ISBN 978-1985635821
• Adams, Bruce (10 January 2005). Tiny Revolutions in Russia: Twentieth Century Soviet and Russian History in Anecdotes and Jokes. Routledge. ISBN978-1-134-26484-one.

External links [edit]

• 1001 Soviet political anecdotes in Wikisource (in Russian) 1001 избранный советский политический анекдот
• A collection of Russian jokes (in Russian)
• Political jokes near Tzars (in Russian)
• Soviet Jokes for the DDCI
• William Henry Chamberlin, "The "Anecdote": Unrationed Soviet Humor", The Russian Review, Vol. 16, No. three (Jul., 1957), pp. 27-34

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Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Russian_political_jokes

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